she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
false alarm, still single
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
