I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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