In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
