We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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