I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
NoShamevember. You game?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
