I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
