its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize