sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
