You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
