i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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