i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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