I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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