in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
