This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
