she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
