Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
