Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Couch. On fire.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
