I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
