Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
