The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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