You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
we're so committed to being not committed
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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