Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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