so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
