its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize