We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
where are you?
Hypothermia
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
