YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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