Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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