So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
