i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I've blown a few things in my day
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
