i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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