well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
