He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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