I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
