Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
