just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
