he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
