I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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