I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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