did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize