This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
