Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
