maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
