i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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