How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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