the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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