i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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