Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
