this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
