my shit smells like andre
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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