I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize