I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
