I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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