you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize