I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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