How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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