we're chasing vodka with high fives
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
