a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
a search helicopter?!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
