you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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