I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
