remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
