just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
