dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
