why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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