I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
