I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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