Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
