whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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