Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
