what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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