She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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