apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We named our party play list daddy issues
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
