Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
