if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
