my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
